Everyone, meet my new dietician:

witch

She's an emaciated sadistic little witch. And I wouldn't go back there if you paid me. Unless you were paying me to snap the little twig in half.

So seriously. I was really excited about my appointment with this dietician last Friday. She came highly recommended by my neuro-opthamologist as someone that they've used for years with people with my condition. I really don't get it. She wants to put me on a 1200 calorie per day diet with a carb restriction HALF of what my diebetic brother is allowed. And please don't suggest to me that this sounds even a little bit reasonable to you, lest you are prepared for me to burn a hole through your body with my eyes.

The whole reason I wanted to go to a dietician in the first place was so that I could lose weight sensibly and healthfully without becoming a starved diet Nazi. I've got a history of extreme dieting in the past and I really don't need to go there again now that I'm cured [read: fat]. I think I'm going to give Weight Watchers a shot. I like that the points they allot you per day are based upon your weight (more weight = more points). Because lets face it, I burn more calories than you skinny chicks on treadmills just by sitting on my butt typing this blog entry (Must… lift… humongous… arm… to reach… keyboard). In fact, this website told me that I would burn something like 1880 calories just by lying in bed all day. Score! I wonder how many calories a piece of that cheesecake in the fridge has…

I can still use what I know about carb:protein ratios and still eat really balanced, healthy meals. We already don't eat a lot of packaged stuff, so I think I've got a bit of a head start on a lot of people who have that hurdle to overcome. But hopefully something works because eventually we'd like to have some little'ns running around besides Chloe.

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14 Responses to Everyone, meet my new dietician:

  1. bestsariah says:

    I still think bulimia is the way to go. Just don’t do that Kirstie Alley diet. She’s weird.

  2. Kris says:

    I’ve lost 10 pounds on the “social anxiety disorder diet”. The key is to be really afraid of the grocery store so you never buy yummy food and then just eat cereal all day. But, you know, eat Total or something so you get your vitamins. My dad lost like 50lbs in a month, but I don’t recommend the “get cancer” diet.
    Sorry about the evil green lady. Never trust them.

  3. The Other Shauna says:

    OMG LOL! I’ll *so* be your Weight Watcher buddy.

    We can, like, exchange Point recipes… and have sleepovers… and…

    Oh wait.

    Well, anyway… if you do Weight Watchers – I’m totally on that. Well, not this week. I had a plate of brownies today and I probably gained 3 pounds in omelettes and crepes alone…

    But that’s the great thing about Weight Watchers.

    Every week starts over again.

    Or, the bulimia thing.

  4. Vanessa says:

    Someone who is emaciated should NOT under any circumstances be upheld as a model of healthy eating. Half the carbs of the diabetic diet? That woman is INSANE. Have you considered following the diabetic diet? I'm thinking of going taking the SouthBeach Diet route. Considering my familys heart history I think it would be a good move, especially since it was developed for cardiac patients. i did well on WW though and am considering going back on that again.

  5. Shauna says:

    I’m glad we’re all on the same page here. I mean, really. The woman’s hands were icy cold and I think she may have also been a robot or something. Most dieticians wouldn’t tell you that you have to be 100% ALL of the time, but this one…

    She asked me if I ever went out to eat for lunch at the office. I explained to her that I usually bring my lunch, but very rarely when I don’t have anything and I *have* to get something for lunch, I told her I went to Wendy’s. I go there because you can get the value meal with a deli-style sandwich instead of a greasy burger, sub a side salad for the french fries, and sub a bottled water for the soda. From the look on her face and the way her whole body tensed up when I told her that, I think it physically HURT her to hear the words, “I very rarely eat at Wendy’s”

  6. Laurie says:

    1200 calories?? Is she TRYING to set her patients up for failure?! (Huh… I just burned that while typing that sentence… GO ME!)

    I think Weight Watchers is a wonderful program. Especially if you’ve got someone as close to you as Shauna to be a source of motivation!

    I’ve noticed that the thing that has finally worked for me is involving my husband. I get to control him and he LIKES it! In other words, I plan our menus and I give him exactly what he needs to eat that day. Then when he gets home, I force him to go walking with me. It helps me to keep with it knowing that I’m responsible for someone other than myself, and it helps him because he’s felt clueless on what to do. Plus, he’s a workaholic that has been in the habit of convenience for many, many years.

    When you get down to it, Shauna, having a baby is going to be the most miraculous thing to ever happen to you. No one can convince you of HOW MUCH you will love your baby until you see it for yourself. But if you can just imagine it, then I’m sure that will help pull you through!

    Lots of hugs to you! Remember, you got a whole lotta girlfriends to lean on here!

  7. Shauna says:

    Jesse and I are actually planning on doing the diet together. Tonight, we’re going to a Weight Watchers meeting just to check it out. Jesse’s a little worried about his blood pressure (actually, it’s his MOM that’s really worried) so we figure if he lost some lbs too it wouldn’t be the worst thing that ever happened.

  8. Dirt says:

    The August Ensign had an article on how to recognize a fad diet. I recommend it.

  9. Shauna says:

    I found it in the September Ensign actually if anyone else is trying to find that.

    But I think it basically says, “Don’t be stupid”

  10. Bobbie says:

    So I tried the WW thing… I did it well when I lived in NC. Lost a lot of weight and kept it off too. My grandmother works for WW. I’ve found however that I am not strict enough on myself with them. So I’m trying something new. I’ll let you know if it works (hopefully you’ll be able to tell) but Jeremy is involved and helping me and its gonna be a lifestyle change. I’m being grumpy about it now but I’m down 8lbs so far so that’s good.

  11. Kipluck says:

    Okay, BEING on the Diabetic diet (though with a leaning between WW which I had success in before and South Beach, which my mom does partially with HER diabetes.) I have heard a lot of good stuff and a lot of pure CRAP. And I gotta say doing what that lady is suggesting would literally put your body into Ketosis. She sounds like a QUACK!

    My dietitian is through the hospital and my Diabetes Clinic, and she still makes me frustrated (okay, really the ILLNESS is what ticks me off), but I think she is at least QUALIFIED. Yours sounds like she needs to move into the Center for Change for treatment HERSELF!)

  12. Shauna says:

    Okay, Bobbie… what exactly ARE you doing though? I want to know!

    And BethAnn: My dietician is actually a diebetes specialist at the Universtity hospital. I’m sure she has all kinds of qualifications, but I still think she needs to be put down.

  13. Jason says:

    sounds reasonable to me 😉

  14. Amy says:

    1200 calories is barely over starving! Trust your instincts, friend. If this situation is ringing bells re: your history of extreme dieting, there may be a good reason…! Second opinions from other dieticians: priceless.

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